Into The Poem: A generic sad poem expressing what departure would mean in a relationship so strong. Initial reviews I got before publishing said that its something to do with the reality. The question is, Is it my story? or is it not? I leave this to my reader. I hope this poem will rekindle the distorted love in underneath your chest and you never ever part your beloved the way its plotted in the poem.
Poem:
Her lips were red, dying to touch mine,
But
something did wall our creeping emotions this time,
And she
numbed her lips, and inclined her head,
Onto my
tired weary chest,
The lash of her eyes softened as they touched,
Softened
my falling emotions, as they wept,
The once
enchanted souls were departing their course,
And the
moments were wet and sinking this time.
The insolent breeze & the incessant rain
all seemed protesting.
Our ugly falling apart, the unnatural depart.
For the falling lids above those wet eyes,
Whispered something deep to me,
Some words were spoken, few beats exchanged.
For the love was still intact, for the past
we framed.
It’s not that our love had spilled over the
wedge,
But for the contrasting religion that knifed
an edge.
Something
distracted her sweet rest on me,
It was
her father's call that ringed a tone.
She said
"I'm stuck", but did she really mean?
Was it
the rain or me, my love or its killing pain?
I held
her hands & begged her stay,
And her
lips, they drove & touched mine, & eyes that shut.
The
wetness inscribed the feeling of trembling illusion of hearts,
For
fantasied were we, lost in the kiss, the last kiss in the rain.
Soon it ended, alike a desperate dream.
The sands of time, drowned our wet emotioned
love,
As she broke my strength of closed arms on
her,
Then she trudged her eyes but held my hand.
And turned and splashed the muddy water
beneath.
Our hands then started to slip apart,
Steps by steps she took, breaking the bond.
Watching, I stood,
weeping for my world that just moved on
Now conferring u wth the title tht u once honured me wth, "God of small things." I absolutely fel in love wth the story. Clarity of thought, perfect ideas, perfectly executed, perfect length, perfect depth. I am smitten by this one bhai. Loved it to the core!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much dear, as I've already said. I regret writing such a poem. stilkl gald you liked it.....:)
DeleteI think this is a masterpiece... U have truly a talent bro... Some poems are such that you can't stop reading until the last word... Yours are like that... Keep it up...!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much bro....!! This poem was made to awaken those hearts which think love is a possession to show off...!! Glad you appreciated it...
DeleteSuch a beautiful poem. Words coming straight from the heart, I could imagine the scenario that you described in your poem. Amazing! Keep writing :)
ReplyDeleteThank you brother! My main aim was to inscribe a scene. And i'm glad you liked it! Thanks again, happy to have a reader like you!
Deleteeach tym u put in d same romance with again a new zeal.new passion n wd mch depth !
ReplyDeleteyo' starting lines speak volumes of the emotions n each tym i read it i wd jz say ovr n ovr agn "in love wd d 1st two lines"
truly rukshu worth reading poem
CONGRATS :)
Aak, first thing I would like to say is "THANK YOU SO MUCH". You've always been a kind friend, the greatest critic, a loveable reader too. I owe my poetic sense to you, had you not been there I would have never known how to write. I rem the 1st time I wrote a poem I brought it to you, and even tough it was bad, you appreciated it and inspired me to move on with my writing. Words wont express, i hope you understand your Rukshu! :)
Deletedis was really a treat 2 read !!
ReplyDeletei luv d way u express a particular moment ! amazin
i cud see d story in front f eyes ! n dats d sign of gud writtin !
romantic boy rukshan , just "Beautiful" poem ! :)
Oh! Thanks for calling me romantic! But I haven't experienced this thing ever in my life! And thanks for your kind words dear! I feel great being admired by a poet herself. Your appreciation is what fuels my poetry!
DeleteGood going...all dis is good,but start things with solid impact !!
ReplyDeleteFinally you liked my poem! Happy happy happy! Its your advice thats bringing the best in me. Thanks sir! Keep advising. :)
DeleteFirst of all, I like the pattern of your poem. And for the poem as a whole, yes it reflects reality a lot. Tangled love and parting ways. Aur thoda filmy bhi hai! :P Those hands slipping away. It was like an image was flashing right in front of my eyes. But the poem is really very good. You use very heavy words. That makes it special. You've got loads of talent. Nurture it, polish it. You'll get immense success. And a little suggestion from me, keep love poems aside for a moment. There are other topics too. :D
ReplyDeleteKeep writing this way. :D
Thank dear! Feels great to be admired by a poet! :) I never knew tat it would turn a bit "FILMY" :D. Aage se aise galti nahi hogi Yar! And as i've already said, the main aim behind the writing was to make someone feel that 'How it feels to part off'. And as Far as I read you, you're somewhere in midst of it. Sorry for being personal. Thank you so much, keep writing reading mine too.
DeleteBro, you got me wrong! That filmy part was not a mistake. In fact it added a certain effect to the poem. And as for the part 'How it feels to part off', yes I did not feel the pain so much because I am damn care about everything. It hurts of course but whatever happens, happens for a good reason. So, its better to learn to accept things than to die and get frustrated in pain. And its nothing personal! You can of course say whatever you feel like. :)
DeleteThat's absolutely true dear one. May be I'm in a midst of it too. So wrote it. The threads of my desires are weakening and I'm making every possible step to strengthen the knot. And please post links to your poems on my wall. I Beg it. I Hardly use the net and I want to make sure I read one of your writings everytime I tune in.
ReplyDeleteNice post....
ReplyDeleteThnx for landing in my world...visit again :)
You're welcome Noopur!
Deleteit was so moving i literally was into tears... like i said once i start reading your poems there's this power drowns me in.... lovely and heart touching piece by you....
ReplyDelete