I was a coward

About:
Almost after a month, here's something that emotion's distaste snickered me. Sharing a page off The Green Diary.

"I was a coward; I gazed at you without your knowledge. I was a coward to let open my heart.


I was a coward when I wrote poems. Poems that sang love. I was a coward to tell the truth directly.


I was a coward when I said its you. I got silent meanwhile. I was a coward fearing you may reject me.


I was a coward to lips 'I love you'. I was worried if you may kill our friendship. I was a coward not to be

with you.


I was a coward & spoke in broken syllables. I never knew you would propose me. I was a coward

surrendered to happiness.


I was a coward not to text you. I feared your father may know about up. I was a coward to lose you.


I was a coward to speak in Odia. I didn't want people to know I'm dis linguistic. I was coward to be

different from you.


I was a coward when I suppressed my heart. Your father had disallowed talking with me. I was a coward

to end our love.


I was a coward when I asked to break up. When you called crying your troubles. I was a coward not to

see you in distress.


I was a coward when I said "I'll wait for you no matter what it takes". When you were crying. I was a

coward as I knew I'll never get someone like you.


I was a coward when I waited for 8 odd months. I kept praying for you. I was a coward to stop the belief

in my devotion.


I was a coward when I masked my sorrow. When after an year we talked. I was a coward not to cry.


I was a coward when I cried. When you said all that happened just because of me. I was a coward to

suspend my breath.


I was a coward when I took smoking. I wanted to evade you from my heart. I was a coward not to

breathe the separation.


I was a coward to abuse you. I knew you wouldn't ever hate me. I was a coward to end it up my side.


I was a coward when I drove back to you. When you told you spilled blood with cough. I was a coward

for my own instinct.


I was a coward to wish you on your birthday. I was stabbing my own heart a hundred times. I was a

coward to talk to you again.


I was a coward when I stood by you when someone failed his promises and ditched you. I knew you

would tumble to depression. I was a coward to see you in tears again.


I was a coward to bring you an amulet. When you said somethings wrong. I was a coward to see your

dreams breathe reality.


I was a coward to kill myself. When after so much of kindness you said I'm a coward. I'm a coward to

stop my beats that beat for you.


I was a coward to this up in my diary. For someday I could show how it felt. I'm a coward to induce you

my suffocation.


I'll be a coward as I wont talk to you, wont pray for you, wont think of you. I wont believe on you too. I'll

be a coward disbelieving my belief, that blindness for you."

"NEMESIS"

                                                                                                   NEMESIS

Into the poem: The name of the poem ‘NEMESIS’ meaning destiny is about a lovers destiny in love. The poem is a kind of a pallinode on hope. The whole scene of the poem is presented in a beach during sunset. It speaks of a lover’s sanity towards love.


Plot: The poem speaks about a deserted lover who losses her beloved. The poem starts with the eyes of the girl, whom the guy chases down a lonely beach. Suddenly the girl’s leg hit a stone and her anklet breaks off. The girl keeps running and the guy runs to pick the anklet which he once presented her as gift. After picking up the anklet, the guy looks for her beloved but he doesn’t find her. It seems as if she’s lost. The guy cries for her, but all his shouts go in vain as he isn’t able to trace her. Broken with his heart, The guy sits on a rock and waits for the day until she returns

Poem:


Down she went looking but my eyes,
Crushing the pebbles, towards the drowning sun ran her bare feet,
It were the eyes that shifted the curse of my lone,
For the blackened bulb glistened the kiss of love,
The showers that sprinkle, The roses that mingle,
Nothing seemed mystique but her eyes.




Splashing the wave’s orange water,running went she.
Chasing her footprints did run my heart,
She’s the one for whom it beats,
She is the beauty of my nimble nemesis, My life is she.
My hoofs paused for a moment and eclipsed the queer,
As her legs staggered against the stone unseen, which tore her anklet round.




She didn’t halt her wavering legs, but running kept she,
Dwindling went her grey shadow over the blistering silt,
For I crawled my eyes to chase but a memoir of love,
Here and there and everywhere did trench my eyes,
And alas did spot the gift, sneaking about a gloomy crag.
Tempted to apprise her charm, zipped my heart and picked it up.




For the moment I smiled and looked for her,
But she was gone, Lost in the allusion of a deserted flight,
I cried, I screamed, I squalled out loud,
But nothing of her being was traced nor found.
She infringed my feelings and poisoned my love,
She Shattered my beats with the curse of lone.

My eyes wont scorn for her brazen deed,
Nor would it efface the look of her alluring feet,
I wont refute her love for delusion’s distaste,
And bitter the memories which were once sweet,
But would wait over this stone, Until the day she returns,
And fight my Patience till the remainent conceals.

                                                                                                                   - Rukshan Ur Rahman